No Shame November: Attempt #2

No Shame November. 

Each post should have been a look into me. What makes me ashamed. What I have to be ashamed of.

I tried to start it once. After taking the idea from Kelli, (http://kelli-alisvolatpropriis.blogspot.com/) I thought I would write about how terrible I am at keeping in touch. What I wrote came out cliche and childish. Needless to say, I hit delete before it even made the homepage. I kept meaning to try again. 

but...... obviously, No Shame November 2011 did not happen. November is coming to a close and will soon be laid to rest for another year. 

This is a brief epitaph of what No-Shame November should have been for me. 

1. I am ashamed of my lack of volunteer hours.

2. I am ashamed of my grades-no they are not terrible, not even bad. But they should be better. 

3. I am ashamed of how difficult it is for me to share my feelings. Everyone has them. Why do I have to hide them?

4. I am ashamed of not keeping in touch with a few of my best friends. They deserve weekly contact at a minimum.

5. I am ashamed at my lack of direction. I want to know exactly what I want to do by now. 

6. I am ashamed I get ashamed when I have better opportunities than both my sisters ever did. 

7. I am ashamed that two of my best friends over the past five years have had eating disorders, been depressed, and/or cut them selves. and I never knew until long after the fact. 

8. I am ashamed I do not have the power or the know-how to stop the friend I do know that is cutting now. She wont even take the time to listen to me.  

9. I am ashamed I've let myself slip into the routine of coming home and shutting my door, whether I have homework or not. 

10.  I am ashamed I let myself get myself down, far too often. 

No Shame November 2011 will never get justice. I don't have enough days to get these done, but maybe Round 2012 will get a shot. Maybe I'll be able to work through some of these before than.