Living Today

Today is a gift.  

Embrace it with joy and anticipation…realize the possibilities. 

It beckons you towards your destination in life.

 Be at peace – you are exactly where you are meant to be at this moment. 

God has carefully chosen the people, events, joys and challenges on your path today. 

The things you will encounter are stepping stones of what is to come.  

Make the most of today. 

Focus on “the present” – you will see and appreciate things you might otherwise miss.

 Follow your heart – search to find your purpose in life and you will find meaning and happiness.

 Use your talents, do your best, contribute.  

Make a difference, because you can. 

Be passionate about your journey – sing, dance, laugh, and love as you go.  

Give praise and allow time for prayer.

 The promise of tomorrow begins with the endeavors of today.  

Do not let the fast-forward pace of the world deprive you from savoring “the now”.  

Seek things that fill you with love and bring you joy. 

Have faith, it fosters hope – it makes the difference.  

Believe, with God all things are possible. 

Live well – live today, for it is a gift.

-   Bonnie L. Mohr  -

Cara a cara con el enemigo de que valen mis palabras? 

Face to face with the enemy, what good are my words?

A Girl You Should Date....

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two
.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

– Rosemarie Urquico –

Do not taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.

One day at a time--This is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.

Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but rather by the number that take our breath away.

life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about dancing in the rain.

It's finals week ladies and gentleman....
one word...
woof......
:/

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending

Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.

Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness

Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.

Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

368......

368 days until I graduate from college.
A very scary number.
I want it to come fast.
But I want every day to count.
Every choice to matter.
I wish I could I was at that time right now.
I'd be happier than a clam!
Everything would be perfect.

Funny part here, if I wasn't such an over achiever and decide I want three minors.
I would be, could be, should be graduating.
No regrets.
I wonder if there is a way....
to hit that silly fast forward button, where every thing still goes in slow motion.
Where every screen shot is seen.

Maybe I can.

Go Now and Live....

Go now and live.

Experience.

Dream.

Risk. 

Close your eyes and jump.

Enjoy the freefall. 

Choose exhilaration over comfort.

Choose magic over predictability.

Choose potential over safety. 

Wake up to the magic of everyday life.

Make friends with your intuition.

Trust your gut. 

Discover the beauty of uncertainty.

Know yourself fully before you make promises to another. 

Make millions of mistakes so that you will know how to choose what you really need. 

Know when to hold on and when to let go.

Love hard and often and without reservation. 

Seek knowledge.

Open yourself to possibility. 

Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free.

Embrace your darkness along with your light. 

Be wrong every once in a while, and don’t be afraid to admit it.

Awaken to the brilliance in ordinary moments. 

Tell the truth about yourself no matter what the cost.

Own your reality without apology. 

See goodness in the world. 

Be bold. 

Be fierce. 

Be grateful. 

Be wild, crazy, and gloriously free. 

Be you. 

Go now, and live.

~Jeanette Leblanc

I don't know.

I don't know what I want in life.
I don't know what I want to do.
I don't know where I want to go.
I don't know how or who or when.

I wish I had an idea, a compass, a map.
I wish I could take a break from everyone I know and everything I feel.

I saved someones life this weekend.
He had a "Holy crap, I'm about to die" moment.

I started thinking about my own life.
All I came up with is "I don't know."

I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.

How Proud They'd Be.......

"It's every girl's dream to walk in a Victoria's Secret Fashion Show"

This may be true... Who wouldn't want to be an Angel??

However... All I can think of is is my parents settling down to watch an evening's full of TV...

And their baby girl parading down a runway half naked. 

Then... I think about this fact....

What would they think when one of Dad's coworkers came up to him at work the next day.... 

"Saw your daughter on TV last night... Also noted that they had to blur out her 

ass

to make it appropriate for TV viewing...

Now that is every girls dream... 

or something. 

Be Confident

Be confident. 

Too many days are wasted comparing ourselves

 to others and wishing to be something we aren't.

Everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses,

 and it is only when you accept everything 

you are- and you aren't- 

that you will truly succeed.

No Shame November: Attempt #2

No Shame November. 

Each post should have been a look into me. What makes me ashamed. What I have to be ashamed of.

I tried to start it once. After taking the idea from Kelli, (http://kelli-alisvolatpropriis.blogspot.com/) I thought I would write about how terrible I am at keeping in touch. What I wrote came out cliche and childish. Needless to say, I hit delete before it even made the homepage. I kept meaning to try again. 

but...... obviously, No Shame November 2011 did not happen. November is coming to a close and will soon be laid to rest for another year. 

This is a brief epitaph of what No-Shame November should have been for me. 

1. I am ashamed of my lack of volunteer hours.

2. I am ashamed of my grades-no they are not terrible, not even bad. But they should be better. 

3. I am ashamed of how difficult it is for me to share my feelings. Everyone has them. Why do I have to hide them?

4. I am ashamed of not keeping in touch with a few of my best friends. They deserve weekly contact at a minimum.

5. I am ashamed at my lack of direction. I want to know exactly what I want to do by now. 

6. I am ashamed I get ashamed when I have better opportunities than both my sisters ever did. 

7. I am ashamed that two of my best friends over the past five years have had eating disorders, been depressed, and/or cut them selves. and I never knew until long after the fact. 

8. I am ashamed I do not have the power or the know-how to stop the friend I do know that is cutting now. She wont even take the time to listen to me.  

9. I am ashamed I've let myself slip into the routine of coming home and shutting my door, whether I have homework or not. 

10.  I am ashamed I let myself get myself down, far too often. 

No Shame November 2011 will never get justice. I don't have enough days to get these done, but maybe Round 2012 will get a shot. Maybe I'll be able to work through some of these before than.

I came to win,

to fight,

to conquer,

to thrive.

I came to win,

to survive,

to prosper,

to rise. 

To fly. 

To fly. 

What I would say to you. If you could take the time to listen.

You are my best friend.
What's happened?
You are not yourself.
The drinking.
The cutting.
The self-insulting.
What's happened?
I am scared.
I am worried.
There has got to be a reason for it.
Your boyfriend?
Your mother?
School?
Something else?
The girl I know would have been there for me.
When I needed her most.
Instead she was blackout drunk at the bar.
Does that sound like you?
Does that sound like the person you really are?
The person you want to be?
I cannot loose my best friend.
But it feels like I already have.
I cannot wait until it is too late to help you.
To save my best friend and the girl I know she is.
But I cannot do it alone.
You've got to want my help girl.
You've got to look me in the eye and tell me the problem.
Tell me what I can do to help you.

I guess you've got to take the time to listen to the rest first.
I guess you've got to find it in your heart to take some time for me.
Sorry to be an inconvenience for caring.

Procrastination sucks

when you no longer care enough to 

try

to get it done. 

damn those classes I don't care about.... 

damn them all to hell. 

Life is too short.
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should
and let go of what you can’t change.
Love deeply and forgive quickly.
Take chances.
Give everything and have no regrets.
Life is too short to be unhappy.
You have to take the good with the bad.
Smile when you’re sad,
love what you got,
and always remember what you had.
Always forgive, but never forget.
Learn from your mistakes but never regret.
People change,
and things go wrong but always remember,


life goes on!

sometimes it's just best to color. too bad all the online coloring pages stink.

good thing dinosaurs are always a safe bet.

Sometimes, you think you know someone. 

And then you find out more. 

That they can be even more

malicious

selfish

low

than one thought previously. 

revelations like this really, really 

hurt. 

Nothing beats a good 'just because I love you' note. 

:)

Writers block stinks.
I stare at the word document.
The cursor blinking.
Staring back at me, intimidating me.
Daring me.
To type something.
To type anything.
Twist the top off a long-neck bottle.
Maybe a little liquid courage is needed
to take on the little blinking bastard.
Writing stinks.
Ironically, my release?
Writing.
This cursor is inviting.
Wishing me to type more.
Begs me to like it.
Allows me to procrastinate even longer.
Only to return to it's Evil Twin.
And resume the staring match.
Beware little cursor.
You'll never win this one.

I worked since the day I turned fifteen.
I get next to no financial support from my parents.
Every cent I borrow from them will be paid back.
With interest.
I'm paying for college out of pocket and racking up the student loans.
But I am not complaining.
I am working towards a better life.
I am changing my life.
I realize there are problems with our government and
the hierarchy in America.
However, I drove past three McDonald's with
"Now Hiring"
signs out front this morning.
Do not tell me there are not jobs.
Do not tell me no one wants to hire you.


Change your own life.

Quit waiting for someone to do it for you.

ten things I have to say to ten different people

1. I've idolized you since I was little. Why do you always have to make things about you?
2. I put on an act that I feel bad for you; I don't. You bring your problems upon yourself and it's not my fault.
3. Thank you. I spent more time in your office than anywhere. You helped me become who I am.
4. I wish I remembered you. Everyone talks about you; I don't know who you are.
5. Please tell me that is not self inflicted. It wouldn't surprise me, but you don't need to do that anymore.
6. You are my hero. I will do everything I can to make sure you live like one someday.
7. You surprise me every single day and I love it.
8. You are an amazing woman. You taught me a lot in one semester.
9. I am tired of your childish behavior. Grow up.
10. I hope I don't let you down.

"If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found." 

~Author Unknown

I used to feel one needed to fully know themselves before he or she could ever really know another person. Now, I'm talking opposite sex here, relationship style, you know, with the 'L' word.... 
I'm cynical. 
I'm skeptical. 
and most of all,
I am logical.
 At least when it comes to protecting myself, emotionally. 
I have always taken the stand that love is not to be taken lightly, and no one under the age of like twenty five could possibly have grown up enough to understand themselves thoroughly before they can try to understand another. 


Recently, I am beginning to see things a little differently. Do I need to know who I am, what I value, what I need to be me? Absolutely. But do I need to know each and every nook and cranny of my mind? Do I need to know why I feel what I feel? No chance.


Pieces of one's self like this, are meant to be discovered by someone else. Someone who can teach you about your self. Someone who can take your hand and look into your eyes and in that moment, you almost feel like he knows more about how to make you happy than you do yourself. 


Think about it for a minute. Adventures are always more fun when you have a friend. Adventures like this need your best friend. Adventures like this will lead to mountains to cross and dirt on your knees from countless falls. Adventures like this need a person to hold your hand and help you over the rocks; a person to pick you up when you stumble and fall. 


Maybe it is not all about independence these days.

It's that time of year again. Time to pull out the clay pigeon thrower. Dig out the coffee cans of leftover shells. 

Shoot for hours.
The shotgun recoiling time and time again into ones shoulder. It's sure to leave a mark.
This year is different though. I'm not shooting with Dad's gun.
I've bought one this year.
(see Harvest post, I emulate my father)
So, naturally, what did I buy? The same gun my daddy has. Remington 11-87 12 ga.
Trusty shotgun, beautiful gun.
All mine.
This was a pricey investment, that is for sure.
Should I have spent that much? Most likely not. But there is something about knowing you earned the money, you decided what you wanted, and you went out and got what you need. I'm beyond excited to take this guy out for a couple hundred round initiation.

Beyond that, I am impatiently waiting for the first three weeks in December. When the countryside has the same level of electricity as harvest time, but a totally different feeling. Blaze orange tromps through the woods. Day after day. The deer are on the move, don't know where to turn. Every step could be their last, and they have no idea. It's an American Tradition and I am proud to be a part of it. I believe I will also be starting a new hunting tradition this year. I'ma gunna go bow hunting. It seems even more thrilling, taking over one more step of control, reverting further back than American Tradition, back to a primal form of hunting. When the hunter can hear the whistle of the arrow through the air, the sound of contact, and the rush of adrenaline.

Daddy's Little Girl

Aww....... harvest. 

the sweet sound of diesel engines roaring across the countryside. 

perhaps one of my favorite times of the year. 

I cannot count the number of times I've slipped up into the buddy seat in the cab of the combine, spending 

hours

riding along with dad. Talking his ear off about everything I think of. 

Then, eventually, settling down into that big drivers seat, wrapping my hand around the propulsion lever. 

My hand appearing so small on the button covered shifter.  

One hand lightly resting on the wheel, the other lowering the head into the rows. 

The corn vanishes into the combine with ease. 

Hard to believe I've ran this beast alone for years. 

Hard to believe Dad is so fluent with all the technology he has incorporated into his farming operation. 

The man who cannot read a text message, has a state of the art monitor, touch screen, more buttons than even I know what to do with. 

This post really is not about me, or harvest, it's about my dad. 

I love my dad. He's a farmer. I used to want to do anything but farm, but the older I get, the more I see how much that lifestyle is me. It's who I am. It's who my daddy raised me to be. And in the spring and fall, that buddy seat time I put in, is about all I get to see of him. And I love to see his face light up when I climb up the ladder and plop down next to him. Gets even brighter when I ask to drive. 

I really am Daddy's Little Girl. 

I emulate my father. 

I want to farm someday. 

I bought the same gun he bought when he was my age. 

I can't help but think he wanted a son; what father doesn't?

But I am sure he's okay with girls. 

Especially cause his girls are like me, who are like him. 

More excited by Guns and Tractors then Shoes and Dresses. 

Always ready to go play in the dirt with a big red toy. 

Thanks daddy, for making me who I am today. 

One photo of me. 

This is not a photo at all. but perhaps paints just as clear of a picture as to who I am.

"As much as you transform the land by farming, farming transforms you. It seeps into your skin along with the dirt that abides permanently in the creases of your thickened hands, the beds of your nails. It asks so much of your body that if you’re not careful it can wreck you as surely as any vice by the time you’re fifty, when you wake up and find yourself with ruined knees and dysfunctional shoulders, deaf from the constant clank and rattle of your machinery, and broke to boot. But farming takes root in you and crowds out other endeavors, makes them seem paltry." 

The Dirty Life: On Farming, Food, and Love 

Kristin Kimball

two songs


two: Flightless Bird, American Mouth Iron & Wine
one: Love Don't Run Steve Holy

three films

three. Secretariat
two. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
one. Dirty Dancing

four books


four: one thousand splendid suns
three: wuthering heights
two: water for elephants
one: the book thief

five foods. 


five. cheese
four. pudding
three. pizza
two. bagels
one. coffee 

six places.

six. river falls
five. the farm
four. brittany's
three. jared's
two. krista's
one.                  home.

seven wants. 


seven: I want to graduate college and get a good job. 
six: I want to be able to relax and let my worries go. 
five: I want to travel to the seven wonders of the ancient world. 
four: I want to backpack across Europe. 
three: I want to always be loved.
two: I want always find something to smile about, even in the darkest of days
one: I want to change someones life. 

eight fears. 
eight: disappointing  those who matter most
seven: never experiencing the hopes and dreams I have now; bring on the bucket list!
six: limiting my own potential
five: ending up alone
four: not doing well in school
three: ending up alone because of my self sabotaging nature concerning relationships
two: becoming dependent on someone else
one: failing. 

nine loves.


nine: I love to read.
eight: I love my family. As much as they drive me nuts, I will always love my family. 
seven: I love school. As much as I want to be done, I love it. 
six: I love food. My biggest weakness. 
five: I love music. 
four: I love cuddling until I fall asleep. 
three: I love my friends. They will always be there for me. 
two: I love myself. 
one: I love my life. 

Ten Day Challenge. Done at my leisure. Let the blogging commence. 


Ten Secrets.


ten: I do not handle emotions. I am not a cold hearted bitch. I just hide them so no one sees I am weak.
nine: I am terribly scared of not knowing what the future holds. 
eight: I wish I had the nuts to tell a few people a few things. Some deserve apologizes. Some, a thanks. 
seven: Publicly, I am very cynical. Get me alone and a bit more optimism peeks out from the shadows.  
six: I am not a religious person; but, I am sure God is out there. And that he cares. 
five: I also believe there are other beings out there. Some good, some terrible. We cannot be alone. 
four: If you matter to me, everything you do affects how I feel. But I will never admit it to you. 
three: Everyday I think about joining the Air Force. Even when I say I am over that phase.
two: My knowing who I am and what I want is merely a facade. 
one: Looking inside me to write this, shows me how vulnerable I really am to my own thoughts. 

We are dancing in unfamiliar territory here. 
Playing with fire. 


Every nerve screams 'run!'


Every muscle refuses to move. 


It's electrifying, somehow comforting.  
Knowing tomorrow has some sort of certainty. 


I can't help but smile. 
This is how it is supposed to be. 


It's going to be a Long Hot Summer.


and I'm perfectly okay with that. 

so. here it is. finals week. my favorite, and least favorite week. 



Reasons why I love finals:
-coffee, soooo much coffee. 
-I am done with the professors I can't stand anymore.
-no need to think about homework
-summer is coming, means it's time to get home, and work!
-everyone else holes up in the library, means campus is quiet and gorgeous.
-"Sorry, I have to study" means, I just don't want to see you, but I'm too nice to say it. 
-late night study sessions.
-late night study sessions turning into epic Call of Duty matches. 
-the people you bond with while you are stressed to no end. 
-the feeling of anticipation you get while you tap your pencil on the desk watching the exams get passed down the row to you. 
-the relief after the exam is over.


Reasons why I hate finals:
-I have no capacity to study. I wish I knew how, but... 
-the nights of too much coffee, adderall anyone??
-I have to go home soon. means I go home for three months without my friends.
-people are debbie downers all week.
-people who are done early gloat alllll week. 
-the feeling of doom when all you can think is.... "We are totally fucked! Not just fucked, like elephant dick, pound in the ass, no reach-around, jungle fucked!"
-no time for netflix
-my pandora runs out for the month
-nothing in my house seems good enough to eat
-wasted afternoons trying to study
-can anyone say carpal tunnel??

what makes me happy you ask?
i'll tell you. 


ten things that make me happy. 


one... sunshine. 
two... coffee
three... a moderate amount of stress
four... a nap
five... a hug
six... a random stranger smiling
seven... the everlasting love from my dog
eight... a massage
nine... making someone else smile
ten... love

what do i stay awake for?

*raindrops pattering on the window
*smiles from a friend
*random texts from a long lost buddy
*ice cream
*a good round of beer pong
*watching others snooze in class
*cute texts from boys that are just friends, just to make sure you know they care
*call of duty
*two and a half men
*to make sure my friend gets home safe
*to pull out a towel from the dryer
*to have a random heart to heart
*makeout sessions
*facebook creep
*to write
*to snack
*to read
*and read some more
*kissing in the rain
*music
*late night runs to bdubs
*sober cab
*hugs when i am down
*plotting revenge
*coloring
*procrastinating
*thinking
*making snowmen
*puddle jumping
*taking pictures
*winning
*football
*march madness
*the history channel
*rubix cubes
*showing cattle
*baling hay
*thunder
*and lastly, i stay awake for the velociraptors  lurking in the shadows